My mother loved to be in charge of the holiday meals. She cooked every single dish for every holiday during the last year of her life, even when her health was failing and she lacked energy. I offered to make all of it or even part of it, but she said "as long as she was able" she would do it. And she did.
I did not try to fill her shoes last Thanksgiving and Christmas, our first without her. I planned the menu and assigned dishes to all that were coming. And I used Chinet. And we all did alright, except for my father. He is simply heart-broken and nothing can fix that.
When her birthday arrived, we went to the cemetery and took flowers. My father stood there and wept at the foot of my mother's and brother's graves. My father already has his spot beside them and I think he'd like to be laid to rest sooner than later. He is almost ninety and so weary and sad.
This past year has been one of struggles and it isn't over. But there are good things as well. My sister and I have become closer and able to work together in caring for my father. With our history, that is nothing short of a miracle. I am planning another trip with my friend. We are talking of Germany and Venice. I am planning a smaller trip with my husband and children to see my mother-in-law. If we had more money and vacation days, I'd plan a trip to the southwest to see the canyons and deserts. Perhaps next year.
I have pictures to share, but have misplaced the cord to my camera. Next time then.
“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.”
― Osho
